Nose and Ears

Hidden message?
Originally uploaded by tanakawho.

I am locked in a running battle with my nose and ears. One is always itching or chaffing. I carry sprays and kleenex and rub both far too often. But while my nose can be dealt with easily enough, my ears are another matter.

In the fall when everything starts to dry out, so do my ear canals. They get really itchy on the inside. I have to stick cue tips basted in olive oil in them constantly to keep my parched little canals moist. This is the stop gap measure my doctor gave me. From November to April I have been given permission to shove foodstuff in my ears. As a five year old this would have delighted me. Even so, they still itch. Have you every tried to scratch the inside of your ear? It is not easy. So I have developed this internal ear canal scratcher. By sucking really hard on the top of my mouth and sort of hacking a cough at the same time. It makes the most distressing noise, but damn if it doesn't work. It sound somewhat like a combination of those machines that city workers use to suck up refuse from underground pipes and someone getting sea sick. Anyone within ear shots hates it. Cringes and starts whingeing about what a horrible sound it is. I figure I have invented the human equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. If only I could patent it.