Clearing the Air

smoked my last cigarette...
Originally uploaded by onkel_wart (caught the flu).

Yesterday I was reading an article on Lainey Gossip about how she misses smoking. Actually, she was just providing her own thoughts on comments made to W magazine by Gweneth Paltrow. Paltrow told the magazine that she hates the fact that she can't smoke. She just loves it and misses it and is so pissed off that it kills you. Lainey pretty much chimed in with the same feelings. Which made me think about my own struggle to quit over the last few years. I can tell you honestly, I loath smoking. Wish I had never started. Think it is absolutely disgusting, and hated myself profoundly every morning after I had broken down and had one. Yet, I seem to be in the minority in that regard.

My sister who is currently pregnant and has quit is absolutely downhearted by the fact that she can't smoke. My father would have never quit if his stroke hadn't wiped out that part of his brain that told him he loved it. I must confess, I just don't get it. For me, whenever I smoked, I would get terrible heartburn. If I was drinking I woke up with a horrible hangover. My teeth started to look like those of an old crone. I hated that bitch monkey on my back. The aweful self talk I would heap on myself the next day was absolutely vile. Yet, it was REALLY hard to quit. Smoking is more addictive then drinking, yet you can find programs everywhere to help you stop drinking or taking drugs. Get help to quit smoking? Like forget it. No support groups, no rehab, just buckle up and suck it up.

I am now smoke free for 4 months and I can feel the difference in every part of my life. I am so glad to be done with it. Sometimes I do think about it and think maybe it would be nice, but most of the time I thank god I seem to be over the hump. And pray I never break down again.