Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I'm Just Not That In To You - Anymore

Originally uploaded by spottedsparrow.
I recently got an email from a friend. She is pretty upset as it appears she has two 'friends' in her life that she is just going to have to cut out. Rightfully, she is sad about this. She has been friends with them for a long time. But sometimes certain friends just don't fit anymore, or a friendship has run it's course. I would rather conserve my energy for someone worthwhile then struggle to maintain a friendship that is dysfunctional.

There is rarely a year that goes by where I don't cut someone out of my life. Usually, it is not as painful as it sounds. Lots of friends just drift away, and you let them. Others you studiously make the effort to avoid. There are lots of reasons why you would cut out a friend. Mainly, because they are most likely not really a friend anymore. But I think in my case what I have found most often is that when I get to a point where I feel like I am either doing all the work to maintain the friendship, or every time I am with this person they somehow manage to hurt my feelings or make me feel bad; well then the friendship has run its course.

This sentiment upsets some people. They can't understand why you wouldn't take a bullet for a friend or keep trying to make things work. Friendships are like marriages. Sometimes they just don't work out. Maybe you find out that you have nothing in common, or deep down inside you realize you don't really like each anymore. And sometimes friendships are just plain one sided.

In any case, let's face it, we are all busy. I'm happy to make an effort if I feel I am getting one back, or that I'm not afraid that I'm going to get skewered each time we talk. But for most people they will maintain a tight ring of 3-4 friends who they will talk with all the time, and I can almost guarantee you that ring will change every few years.

1 comment:

Brandice said...

I could have used this "therapy" a few years ago. Thanks for the friendly reminder.