Thursday, April 27, 2006

It Just Needs the Right Underwear

Since I started running I have lost some weight and suddenly I can fit into things I haven't been able to wear in years. Case in point, this morning I saw a great skirt I haven't been able to get into since University. However, it is the kind of skirt that cost a small fortune and therefore, I have never been able to throw it out or donate it - too painful. But low and behold this morning I put it on and it fit. Well, it almost fit, it will with the right underwear.

Lately, that saying has become my most intimate companion.

Ahh, the right underwear. Do you remember when you first discovered that underwear wasn't just meant to be flimsy and impractically, almost inevitably tied up in some little girl fantasy about seduction and looking pretty? Long gone are the days of tiny panties and precious bras. Not practical. You see once you realize you have boobs (maybe you have had babies, gained a few pounds, etc.) you realize those spaghetti straps may look cute, but they will give you the same look as African tribal women. I especially love those stick on bras, if your boobs are larger than a bee sting those things will have the same effect as a tall tree in a twister. Forget patterns and appliques, they will show through the majority of your tops. No matter how cute the bra, this will have the opposite effect. Of course, you could go the way of one co-worker, who wears a bra I am sure she bought in 1958. The elastic in this heirloom is so shot she shouldn't have bothered.

But even harder to handle then the realization that I had boobs, at least large boobs are lauded universally, was the fact I had hips. Hips have not been admired in the Western world since the 60's. Oh sure, people pay lip service to hips, but if they were really loved would we constantly reward women built like little boys in our popular magazines? I think not. But some how I have learned to embrace this most wiggly part of me. I have embraced it by making sure it is almost constantly swathed in girdles. Wearing a girdle will increase your chances of not just getting into your skirt or dress, but will actually make said garment fit properly. There is nothing worse then a skirt that is straining around your bottom. With a girdle you smooth these unfortunate parts out. A good girdle can help you drop a size. Just be aware of spillage. The tighter the girdle the better the chance that excess jubbly is going to spill out giving you a second bosom.

Yes, I am over the whole cute underwear thing. Trust me, nothing looks so good as actually fitting into your clothes. At the end of the day the only person who should be seeing your underwear is your partner. So buy something a little special for Saturday night, but leave it in the bedroom when you are done.


Anonymous said...

I used to wear one of those girdle thingies when I was young. Now I just let it go where it wants.


Squirrelly Girly said...

Heidi, you are my new guru of all! It's so true about the right underwear. I found out a year ago that I have been wearing the wrong bra size since junior high. Now I have the right bra size and a quality bra (I NEVER shop at La Senza for underwear. You want quality, go to a specialty shop or sears!) and my shirts look a lot better. I just need to find the right pair of suck-it-in shorts now and I'm all set