Monday, February 12, 2007

Soccer Moms Gone Wild

Friday I went with a group of friends to the see the Barenaked Ladies in concert. Being happy X'ers we grabbed two drinks each and sauntered back to our seats. Excited anticipation was surging through us. After all, hadn't we grooved in our dorm rooms to 'The Old Apartment' and partied through the University summer breaks to 'Brian Wilson?' But the question on everyone's mind was when would they sing, 'If I Had a Million Dollars?' Because I knew what I would do with a million dollars. And trust me it wouldn't involve giving any of it away. It might include numerous pairs of Manolo Blahniks or Jimmy Choos. Or both.

So feet tap, tap, tapping the show started. About 20 minutes into the show three soccer moms showed up. After something they were giggling at nearly waylaid them into the lap of a lesbian couple, they manage to fall and stumble into the row in front of us. Now these weren't the cute-as-a-button, stylish Ked wearing type soccer moms. They were the acid wash, tasseled booted wearing, tan booth victim type.

I don't know why people spend money to go to a concert then show up late. One girlfriend says it's because people don't want to watch the opening act. So that is what I thought when these women showed up, until I caught a whiff of them. I can honestly tell you - that is not why they were late.

Two seconds after I crinkled my nose, one of my girlfriends looked at me with wide eyes and started fanning furiously under her nose. Suddenly, the whole story flashed into my mind. The soccer cougars leave their kittens at home, probably tittering happily about the pot they manged to steal or buy off one of their children's school chums. They then spend the next hour holed up in the back of their mini-van getting high, reminiscing about high school, and telling each other what jerks their boyfriend/husbands/friend-with-benefits are.

And I though mini-vans were for shuttling your stuff around.

Picture from Flickr


Anonymous said...

I love your story telling style!

Rebecca 'Becky' Heaman said...

ok... but how was the concert?? I can't wait till I go see them here in Dublin on April 10!!!

Heidi Schempp Fournier said...

It was great! BNL are not just singers, they ARE entertainers. You will have a blast!

Anonymous said...

"If I had a million dollars" is the song I had for my father/daughter dance at my wedding. It's such a fun song. My dad and I used to drive around Calgary and sing at the top our lungs.