Monday, April 23, 2007

In Case of Drowning

Sunday afternoon I was doing my Sunday tub thing. Bubbles, glass of wine, magazines. Now normally I really enjoy this. Usually, because Mark is somewhere in the house chipping away at something. However, as a man is prone to do, he decided he needed to go to Starbucks. I could see this was going to ruin my bath time. See I tend to be angsty around water when I'm on my own. Here is how it works: Mark leaves + something unexpected and terrible happens completely by accident = Heidi dead. I think this can be traced to watching Jaws as a child.

Usually, I hide it well. Because the chance of having a tsunami hit a house located in a prairie province is slim. But not a slim as you would think. So when he comes to kiss me goodbye I say what's on my mind.

"Umm, I don't think you should go. You know, just in case I have a heart attack and then drown in the tub." Because, obviously, having a massive heart attack isn't enough to kill me. To truly die it would need to be much more difficult. I would need to have two life threatening things happen one after the other.

Of course, when he repeats back to me what I just said, it sounds stupid. And not a little immature. "Do you want me to bring your cell phone so you can text 911 if you need to?"

"What if I submerge before I type out my message and the phone shorts?"

"Maybe you should create a template SOS text message to cut down on time, then in cases of emergency you can just send that."

If it wasn't such a good idea I would have thrown the shampoo at him.

8 comments:

Squirrelly Girly said...

It's so true! I once passed out getting out of the bathtub and cracked a rib! and another time I almost slipped because I'd used too much bubble bath. It's a dangerous place to be!

Tash said...

HA HA HA HA HA! You two are a shining example of true love. You have to be, 'cause I would drown you my damn self! :)

muffy said...

oh my god! I live alone and sleep with the doors unlocked and the window open. I don't lock my car and I walk around alone at night. On the other hand I rarely take baths.

Tash said...

Not taking baths might be the reason you have nothing to fear. You have been getting a bit rancid lately....

Kris said...

Interesting! I always have baths and not once have I ever thought "anything" bad would happen! Maybe I need too....

muffy said...

Showers rock, unless you have watched psycho one to many times, Tash with your yearly bath and your res dog you have nothing to fear.

Leah said...

I guess the last thing you need to hear is it can actually happen. My friends only child, her daughter who was 14 started to seizure in the tub (she had no prior history of seizures) banged her head and drown.
Lots of people have fears that are not based in any "reality" I don't believe it should be pandered to but it should be respected.

Much More Than A Mom said...

Heh. That's hilarious. He sounds like a fun smart-assy kind of guy.