Friday, July 18, 2008

Unmentionables

I think a women's greatest fear, after the death of her children, impossible grass stains, and gnomes stealing their travel tickets, is a bladder infection. I fear these things like elephants fear mice. And for good reason. If you have every had one just the name is enough cause you to wince and run to your room to hide under the covers. They are nasty.

My fear and loathing of a bladder infection is also caused by the fact that they almost always hit at night, or on a Sunday when the only place open to get help is the ER. I love to go to the ER like I love to have Mark practice Chinese Water Torture on me. I know there must be a system in the ER, as nurses are very efficient, but whatever it is doesn't seem to include getting loud whiners like me through as fast as possible so they can actually get back to the sick people.

For years I have been begging two of my nurse friends (although after last night I use that word loosely) to liberate just one or two of those pills the ER gives you when you get a bladder infection. The ones that turn your pee strange colours, but mercifully, turn off the tap in your bladder so that you can actually uncross your legs. You should hear the bitching and excuses I have heard through the years. 'They're hard on your liver'. 'They don't just leave them laying about'. Listen, I don't plan to down them like M&M's. In fact, I can guarantee you that they will sit in a locked box in a place of honour in my medicine cabinet until they are needed. I would give a burglar my jewelery before I let him take those.

Even when Natasha, another foot solider in this war, added her voice to mine, still our ability to sleep through a night without feeling like our bladder was going to explode, was not headed. I also know that Natasha, wily survivor she is, had managed to put 1 or 2 of these pills away. So last night when I could feel the dreaded thing coming on I silently cursed my nursing friends (a pox on both of you!), considered calling Natasha to save me, but thought moving was the absolute last thing I wanted to do, and went to my medicine cabinet where I keep the 'just in case' penicillin the doctor gives me for vacations. By midnight I was in agony, so I took a second one. When I woke up this morning I was feeling almost normal. Now I just have to continue the medication for 3 more days. Then go get a replacement subscription. Nary an ER in sight. I think my doctor loves me more then my nursing friends.

6 comments:

Tash said...

my magic little pills are your magic little pills baby!

Heidi Schempp Fournier said...

And that is why you will NEVER lose your place on my Christmas List!

Bina said...

Thank God I have never had one. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it's like and I do NOT want to know! Glad you are feeling better!

muffy said...

Never get them pitty the fool who does!

Anonymous said...

yikes - nasty topic. I have had recurring UTIs (Urinary Tract Infections) for as long as I can remember. They are nasty! Cranberry pills are the best way I know to head off an infection if you catch it early enough. I try to take two every morning, just in case.

Heidi Schempp Fournier said...

Cranberry pills! I have never heard of those, I will have to get some. Thanks for the heads up!