Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Time to Grow

crocheted booties
Originally uploaded by Funky Shapes.
Now that we have settled, Mark and I have restarted the adoption process. We had actually started it last year, but a number of things either got in the way or just plain derailed us.

First off, this is the first time I have ever talked about this subject on my blog. Though Mark and I have been trying to get pregnant for about 2.5 years I haven't written about it because I was a) Afraid I would lose a FT job opportunity with Lethbridge College (and with the way they treated me, I was probably right to be wary with what I let them know) and b). I just am not one of those women who wants to discuss the fact that I have cobwebs growing where babies should. I would rather talk about purses. Much less call to explain sperm counts and menstruation cycles.

So last year we had met with a couple of agencies, found one we liked and started collecting and completing the mountain of paperwork you need to be accepted. We were well on our way. Deciding that even if I didn't have a permanent position with Lethbridge College, everyone always says there is never perfect time to have a baby. We had gotten most things together when something unusual happened, we were approached about a private adoption. Would we be interested? Of course we were, but it seemed to us the birth mother didn't have a clue, and so we held back and suggested counseling. If, after that, she was sure she wanted to go ahead we would be very excited to do so. A few weeks later we received the call that the birth mother and her own mother had been seeing a counselor and that the decision was made, she would give the baby up for a adoption. We were very excited and were told it was all settled.

We set up the lawyer appointments and started to get ready. Alas, it was not to be. Seems that the grandparents were in contact with the birth mother, a fact her own mother was not aware of. Long story short she went to live with them, had the baby, it became obvious the grandparents had no idea what they were in for, and she was asked to leave. Now it is my understanding, the birth mother's own mom is pretty much looking after the baby. Precious, right?

We learned all this when the lawyer called to find out why she had missed her meeting to sign the papers. We were pretty upset, but I learned two valuable lessons from this, I will never deal directly with a birth mother again. Adoption is too loaded an issue, and without the proper guidance these girls' are time bombs waiting to destroy your heart. The other is that some people are incredibly insensitive. Honestly, do you think I am an idiot, and that I didn't realize she had the right to make choices, I just wish my right not have my feelings and time abused would have been so kindly held up.

This whole situation knocked the air out of both Mark and I and it took a while not to want to cry pretty much every day. But now we are back where we started, luckily though this time we already have most of the paper work done. I am not going to lie I am hoping that the fact that we live in a fabulous resort community will have some pull in the application process. But as I said before, I have also learned that what I know about what birth mothers is zero. So once more in to the breach we go. I am very excited.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Tell the Universe what you want and it will happen! After watching Karen and Al share their desire to have a little girl, and then see how miraculously Breanne came into their lives, I know this will happen for you and Mark within the next 9 months. The seed is planted!!
Love you both!