I'm 5'1. Not a great height. A fact that I used to hate that about myself. Even more then my weight. So you can guess how much. I hated it like how all tall women wish they were cute and tiny like kittens, and those with no breasts wished they were Dolly Parton. Well I wished, and begged, and bargained for 2 more f%cking inches, but I never got them. No idea why. My sisters are 5'4 and 5'5 respectively. But not me. I will resemble a hobbit until the end of my days. Which would be fine if I got to live in a round house and hang out with great Wizards, but that doesn't seem to be my lot either.
Obviously, I am not ever going to be thrilled about the fact that I'm short. Nor will I embrace it by buying a T-Shirt that says, 'Have you Kissed a Short Person Today' or insist that people refer to me as vertically challenge. Being short is not like having a disability or being gay, their is no way to make it cool or to raise money to correct it. In fact, generally I would prefer that it never be brought up.
So, I guess you could say that I have come to deal with it in my own maladjusted way. It's not like I have a choice. Though I would love to be taller then I am, I'm afraid cosmetic leg lengthen surgery is where I draw the line. So I do what women have done through the ages, I wear heels.
I rarely leave the house without them. I need those inches. They are my armour. They make me more attractive, smell better, and kick ass at reaching highly placed objects. Or they did.
I mean aren't they just cute as a button? Looks and function all wrapped up in beautiful brown Naugahyde. Wearing these, I am sure, will not only make me healthier and more appealing, but with a full length paisley A-Line skirt and the handbag my grandmother left me, will rock the world!
I don't know what I did in my past life, but I must have been one miserable bastard.
1 comment:
I wish I could help you out but those shoes are UGLY. they are so ugly, they are FUGLY. What happened to your Achilles tendon?
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