Thursday, March 16, 2006

Soap Box Time

Today on CNN there is an article about the reason that movie ticket sales have declined in the last year. According to the article theatre owners feel the problem is Hollywood's fault. Yes, they argue, when all you release is crap people don't come to the movies. Ahhh, if only things were that simple. This is a much more complex problem than just s@%#tty movies. I have talked about this situation with a number of people and I think there are 4 main reasons ticket sales are down.

1. Most movies are geared towards pubestent males, how else do you explain all the brainless action movies with spandex clad nimphets slashing their way through bad guys. Well, I will be the first to admit I love Underworld and other such movies, but I can't say they inspire me to spend cash to actually go see them at the threatre. Whereas, teen boys with a yawning pit of a weekend before them could be easily persuaded to put down their playstation paddles and venture out into the night. Honestly, what else is going on for them most weekends?

2. Have you actually been to a movie theatre lately? I mean after you battle your way through the above mentioned teens to purchase your overtly expensive ticket you then get to do one of two things. Cry when you realize that you just spent more on popcorn then you did on your tickets (they even charge extra for butter)! Or you can go grab a seat in the theatre, pray to you don't get seated around aforementioned teens trying to out-cool each other with their language, gadets or duelling stories about what happened in the school cafeteria. You just quietly pray they don't keep up their steady stream of gab throughout the entire movie.

3.Finally, if you manage to into a movie that doesn't have a talker, you are most likely being forced to sit through their smells. Nachos with that disgusting processed cheese are the worst, they smell like ass. So now you are sitting uncomfortably, because face it, the chairs are either too high or too low, smelling processed cheese, listening to inane chatter and wondering why you didn't just rent something, mike some Orville Redenbocker (which would be better for you then what they brew up in that giant glass box at the theatre), and have your (you pick) pillow, blanket, sweetie to curl up with. Bathroom breaks on demand.

4. Finally, it is just a matter of time until you will be able to download first run movies to your home TV (5 years at the most). Which will get rid of points 1-3. So if I were a theatre owner I would be looking to sell as soon as possible and hope that I qualify for government retaining grants.

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