Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The Divorce Party

Recently, I was asked by a friend to host a divorce party for her. What does one do to host a fabulous Divorce Party? Being an A type personality I decided to do some research. After trolling the internet, I have to say that I had NO idea divorce parties were so popular. They are the New Year's Eve party of the broken hearted.

But all this research did not provide me with a road map for what to do. A divorce party isn't like any other party after all. It is a mourning of something that has passed, but it should also be a celebration of the new. This is quite a huge amount of emotional territory to cover, so after much research, thought and rumination I have decided the only answer is a combination Wake / Voodoo / Havana Night's party. Hands down.

Let me lay out the details, then if you need to throw a Divorce Party you can be prepared. First, you need to acknowledge the death of the marriage, so like an American wake we will have many drinks and speeches commemorating what was, a roast of the divorcee in a way. Many naughty things will be said about why the divorcee was A). A bad partner B). Easy C). A nagging nuisance. With this information, we say to the universe: Universe, we knew it wasn't meant to be and we are not Star Trek enough to fuck with the cosmos, therefore, we give. This signals the end of the old.

Next you need to do some voodoo. Voodoo is the only way to get things back on track. Forget contemplation and introspection. For losers. A little voodoo doll of the ex is all that is needed. I found a store that sells them in dozens, so everyone can have one. Everyone at the party gets to lay a curse on the doll. But they will have to choose a curse from a lot that I put together. Since we are moving on, these will be things like: loses keys, gets a paper cut, has flatulence at work, etc. As with all cycles of loss we go from sadness to anger so we need to let this feeling out. Purge it, it's cathartic. Besides, have you ever had a paper cut? They sting like hell! Retribution is sweet.

Finally, after all this hissing and purification you need to celebrate. Celebrate the birth of the new life. This is a fantastic thing! A washing away of the old and an embrace of the new. Optimism replacing sadness and anger. Which can mean only one thing, a Havana Night's party. Cigars, good liquor, soft moonlight, great friends, and preferably hula skirts. Its the hula skirts that make the difference.

All this will be done to the sweet strains of a divorce playlist I found on the web.

Fun, no? If only weddings were this much fun!

Picture from Flickr

1 comment:

Margarita said...

I bow down to you, oh goddess of the blog.