Voodoo Curses

The Divorce Party was last weekend and went off smashingly.

Left is a picture of me kissing a frog. Yes, I am hoping it will turn into a prince. This is from the voodoo portion of the evening.

I figured some of you might be looking at hosting a divorce party for a friend. If so, you might find that you would like to do a little voodoo too. So why not benefit from the ground work we laid. To this end, I am posting the list of Voodoo Curses we laid on the Ex!

Use them wisely, remember a little Voodoo goes a long way!

1. Force to watch only Chick Flicks from now on


2. Farts in a job interview


3. On a hot date, keeps calling the girl by the wrong name


4. Whenever he tries to sleep he can get comfortable


5. His car won’t start on days he has an appointment


6. His phone rings constantly, but no one is there


7. Revenue Canada mixes up his tax return showing he owes money every year


8. He will stammer uncontrollably when stopped at a check stop


9. Every time he leaves the house he will get a block away and feel sure he has left the stove on


10. Uncontrollable fits of giggles at funerals, weddings, and when he enters honkey tonk bars


11. When meeting another man, is compelled to say, ‘Hello, Mr. Sexy Pants!’


12. Constantly mistaken as that guy from queer eye for the straight guy


13. Falls for a Star Trek fan and has to work the door at all conventions


14. Trips every time he goes up or down stairs


15. Every time he sees a dog starts to bark uncontrollably and scratch behind his ear


16. Burps every time he has to say a word with the letter A


17. Every woman he knows tells him, ‘we need to talk'


18. Earns the nickname at work, Tool Time Girl


19. Becomes convinced his hairline is receding due to beer consumption


20. Marries a Scottish girl and is forced to eat haggis every Sunday


21. All his shoes give him blisters


22. Gets a reputation as the guy who got his ass whooped by one of the Calgary Stampeder’s Cheerleaders.