Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Nickname Revenge

I can be passive agressive sometimes. Yes, I know you don't believe it, but it is true. It only happens in those situations where I am pretty powerless anyway. So of course, I am talking about work and matters of the heart. All this spinlessness always surrounds a person. Situations I was born to handle, people not so much. Especially bullies.

Because of this one of the things that makes me feel better is to give people I dislike nasty nicknames. Then when I find myself blurry eyed after a night of anxiety attacks in which this person is around every courner, the dawn doesn't seem so ominoious. Really, as I am sure you have figured out, it is all about taking back the power this person has siphoned off you. Usually by accusing you of stealing a collegue's favorite coffee stained mug in front of your boss. Or allowing every one of your phone calls to roll over to voice mail until after a deadline.

So to feel a little bit of karma I nickname people derogatory things. If I can get it to rhyme, even better. If it rhymes and is evil mean you only need to drop it in conversation to disenters once and it will spread faster than Britney Spears for a camera. That is the trick. You have to find a reason that does not reek - staged - to mention said nickname to anyone who you know may say it in ear shot of the loathsome gargole. Viola!

If that’s just not possible, say they have too many allies in your vicinity, pick a nickname that is hilarious to say. Then when you are screaming it while recounting how they wiped their feet on you this week to a set of drunk, but understanding, friends on Friday night everyone can dissolve into laughter at how funny it sounds. Oh, and how small his dick/her boobs are.

Trust me, it works. Let's all heal through laughter.

Picture from Flickr

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


This does work. I have been doing the same thing for years and it always makes me laugh and feel better. By the way "WILL SPREAD FASTER THAN BRITTANY SPEAR DOES FOR A CAMERA" niiiice!