Notes from the Field

The last two days I have been in the field. Eating rations. I was told to be patient, find a good pair of boots, and spend time with the only friend I have left - some mangy cat we found in our camp. I might live to see another day. I might not.

Knowing the daredevil may care with which my General was operating this mission I hardly felt like the cat had a chance of making it out alive. I thought my chances were probably less. Plus as she insisted on wearing the white coat with pink flowers night and day, the General couldn't expect to suprise the enemy.

As I was given a long speech about glory in the battlefield, how cool amputated limbs look and that there is nothing a hot as gangrene I became uneasy. The General sensed this and promised me that if I fell she would start a scholarship in my name to fund unlimited episodes of The Big Comfy Couch for all tottlers. This was all I needed to know. Our enemies, Elmo and Leana, the Cabbage Patch Doll, didn't stand a chance. Victory would be ours!