Monday, February 11, 2008

Little Miss Muffet

On Sunday Muffy was coming home form the store. As she carried her groceries into the house she felt a strange twinge. This twinge was her back's early warning system going off. But like most people, she ignored it and decided to shovel the walk. It is not just heart attacks that end up in the emergency room after a big snow fall, some are people suffering a far worse disease S-T-U-P-I-D-I-T-Y.

Halfway through shoveling the whining little noise coming from her back abruptly stops. Because Muffy has become frozen in a forward crouch position, shovel in mid-tip. She might have cried out for help, if she wasn't in so much pain that she had complete forgotten how. Some how she manages to straighten out and crawl back into the house to call Tash.

Tash, thankfully, comes right over and manages to pry the now dirty and wet shovel out Muffy's hand, then uses a series of pullies and some olive oil to get her to bed. All will be right with the world in the morning they think.

Sadly, dear readers, that is not our story. For in the morning Muffy's back feels similar to the Writer's Guild of America, that she is just not providing enough compensation for the work it does, and it promptly goes on strike. A lesson must be learned. A precedent set. So all her muscles begin to convulse and seize. Thankfully, she uses her cell phone as an alarm clock and is able to call Tash to her bedside by using her phone's voice activated call system. Handy, that.

Tash again charges in like the Duke of Wellington at Waterloo, taking the hapless Muffy to the emergency room where she howls for drugs until they shoot her up with something that makes the most beautiful smile appear on her face. Natasha takes a moment to take pride in a task well done.

Finally they are released and after filling a prescription list that any number of Hollywood stars would be captivated byTash finally puts Muffy back to bed. At which point Muffy turns her radiant smile to Tash. Tash expecting reward for her help and thoughtfulness instead hears, 'since you're here would you mind nailing the boards back onto the fence that have fallen off?'

Needless, to say, Tash shoved a pill in her mouth and soon all that was heard was snoring.


Anonymous said...

Even my pain is entertaining! Wow! I'm high!

Anonymous said...

HA! Nice job of capturing the events! FYI now is the time to ask Muffy for anything, she is higher than ten hippies in an elevator right now. I did have a plan at the hospital to try and speed up the visit (ER's take for ever!) but she wasn't really into letting me take her into the parking lot and beat her with a stick. We have friends that are nurses and know that it's true. Blood moves you through the ER faster than having a ten on the pain scale!

Anonymous said...

i am shocked natasha did not keep the hollywood drugs for herself!:) i hope muffy is feeling better!

Anonymous said...

Why am I not surprised by this. We all know how stubborn Muffy can be. But really - nailing up your fence? You don't ask for much do you!

Anyway, get well. Although I like people to believe that I work you to the bone and abuse you every chance I get - when you actually look like it, it isn't as much fun.

Unknown said...

Oh, how terrible. And I thought the pain in my upper back was bad! This sounds MUCH worse. At least I could move!

Anonymous said...

Ouch! At least you have such a good friend to look after you. She wouldn't really steal your drugs or beat you in a parking lot would she?


Heidi Schempp Fournier said...

Oh Ryan, you are so innocent ;-)

Anonymous said...

she probubley is the one who actially hurt your back just so she could get medicin.