Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Not Self Loathing Enough

I was going to run yesterday. I was going to run today at lunch. Did I run? No. Why? Because my self loathing is not nearly as strong as my laziness. Exercise is really about self loathing if you think about it. It is looking at yourself and going, 'Jesus, fat ass, go for a run already!' And I don't want any comments to the contrary. Don't give me all kinds of jazz finger tripe about how much fun it is. If you need to exercise daily, and/or for long periods of time, and you don't work in Hollywood, and are not training for an Olympic event, it only tells me deep down inside you are more maladjusted then I am. Look deep inside. People only work out to lose weight, maintain their weight, or be healthier (which is code for lose weight). It is pretty straight forward.

Seriously, some days working out is all about hating yourself. You really have to despise the way you look in your pants. Feel hideous over the fact that you suddenly seem to have 3 chins. Hostile towards the fact that it isn't that the elastic in your support undies is shot that makes them appear to barely work. You just have to say to yourself: 'self, your getting f#%$king huge, get moving!'

What drives me crazy is I'm always happy I went after I work out. But I just don't understand why I can't have some of the positiveness up front? For me it is always self loathing that gets me off my chair.


Squirrelly Girly said...

It's true. I keep wondering why positive reinforcement of working out never kicks in. Like, I eat chocolate because it makes me feel good and it tastes good, and ergo, I like chocolate.
I feel good after workign out should = I want to work out.
Sadly the formula is more
I feel like shit = I should work out = I work out and feel like shit while doing it = only feel good when i stop.

So really, I have learned that it's not working out that makes me feel good, it's the stopping immediately after the working out.

Rebecca 'Becky' Heaman said...

See, and for me, the only way I get to the gym is if I have already paid for my class! Then it becomes more about wasting money I can't afford to!