Friday, July 03, 2009

Chocolate Brazilian Wax

Chocolate Brazilian Wax
Originally uploaded by mug_of_tea.
I have discovered the greatest marketing success in history. Perpetrated upon visa-holding dim wits the world over. The marketers have created a great myth, and it has been swallowed, regurgitated, and accepted as holy writ. Behold the Brazilian wax.

My epiphany happened two weeks ago. My beautician was telling me her last client threw up in her waxing room. That's terrible, I said. I honestly, felt bad for the women until I found out what had happened. It appears, the barfer as I will refer to said simpleton, is 6 months pregnant. And had come in for her monthly Brazilian Wax, which requires you to lay on your stomach. I was shocked and said so. Why a woman nearly to her due date cares about the hair in her ass was unfathomable to me. However, I was soon to learn that many women do it right up until the contractions start.

This got me thinking. Just exactly, when did people become convinced that they needed to be smooth from front to back? For thousands of years people existed with hair in their derriere and no one died from it. I realized that this is the BIGGEST, and BEST marketing gimmick I had ever seen.

Somewhere out there, someone whose whole world is about hair removal was having a bad day. Damn it all, they said to themselves, they had run out of places for people to remove hair from! They had conquered the brow, the chin, the legs, the pits, the bikini, backs, and hairy moles. With horror it dawned on them, they had reached the final frontier of hair. There was no where else to go....Or was there?

I mean it's an area that doesn't get much attention, except from Charmin. And if you have seen one, you are most likely in a medical profession or into S & M. Most people, with the exception of three year olds, don't usually want to discuss it, let alone anyone to come near it. I've seen adults grab it and run away if they even think someone or something, is getting too close to it. And let's be honest most of us worry, a lot, that it might smell. Given all these detriments, somehow, women who are 9 months pregnant feel they MUST maneuver their enormous girth onto a waxing table, hold back the surge of bile and just get it done. And to this I say Bravo, you cleaver marketing professional. For never has a more useless reason for spending money been known to the world since the pet rock. Take a bow.


Squirrelly Girly said...


Mel said...

so true!! you always call it out, exactly right!!

Sarah said...

seriously, im bothered with that pregnant woman getting a brazilian bikini wax just before her due date. tsktsk.. doctors/midwife couldn't care less if the patient have all those hairs down there! or if she has smooth and silky skin near her private parts.